Dear Anu,
I’m beginning to embrace difficulty as a sign of faith in GOD. I have started accepting challenges as a testament of my belief. This has led me to dwell on the hard and difficult chores in life. It may sound strange but I’m learning to undertake impossible roles and make clearly difficult decisions.
I’m tasking myself with the opposite of my best instincts and it’s revealed to me that while I think I’ve been strong, I’m at my weakest when I am not conscious of the contribution of my flesh—even in spiritual issues.
So I’ve decided to do what I don’t want to do, and most of this stems from making my body uncomfortable. Things like saying “thank you Jesus” in a funeral because we do not become grateful only for gain but also for loss. However, if we consider our hope to be true and standing firmly on the ground that doesn’t sink or a foundation as hard as a rock, then even our earthly losses are heavenly gain and even our worst situations are working for the good of our love for GOD.
I’m learning to keep silent—even though I see the leeway through the argument—and wait for the Holy Ghost to say ‘go’ first. This is not a case I do lightly because I must confess I relish being right a lot. I sometimes even find ways to stay right when I’m wrong by accepting my wrong so that I can be right about it. So when I see that I could win an argument of faith or just defend my stance, I’m learning to still wait for the Holy Ghost. I am a dog who waits for the owner before I bark or bite, so I don’t backbite. Why? Because some souls are won by stillness and humble kindness and not correctness or the craft of rhetoric.
I’m learning to be and feel good and grateful to GOD when those who hurt me have goodness or good news in their lives. Example at hand, a manipulative ex getting married before me, a wicked senior and bully in secondary school becoming a big time success in their industry, a wayward colleague finding JESUS before facing the retribution of sin. I’m learning to feel good when my prayers go unanswered for a while—for no apparent reason.
I’m learning to accept that the justice of GOD is not centred around me, it is not written to favour me but to foster the balance of existence. I know this to be true because the sun shines on bad people and good people, whether they believe in the Giver of the sun or not. Even the heathen get good harvest and it is not a sign that GOD condones bad behaviour but that HE keeps the balance of judgement while urging everyone to come to repentance and stay repented. If I, too, become an agent of imbalance, justice requires that I be given a fair demerit.
So I’m learning to accept that there’s a good reason for why evil things happen and that while my faith in GOD may not explain everything, it helps me accept the helplessness of my humanity and the omnipotence of GOD’s Divinity. This last paragraph is a handful; I’m still trying to get used to living by it.
with much love,
Olatunde
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