Dear Adesewa,
I find comfort in scripture but I also see pain. I find weights lifted in scripture but I also take up burdens. I find clarity in scripture but I’m also reminded of uncertainty. I see the goodness of divinity and I am also aware of my depravity. I gaze at the joy to be created, loved before conception, formed before Inception and the beauty that comes from living fully in GODly direction yet I am accustomed to the errors, woes and wrong turns of others in scripture.
I see myself in Abraham called to follow a GOD he cannot see (Genesis 12:1-4), but I also see myself in Gideon requesting sign upon sign to fully grasp the depth of the calling (Judges 6:36-40). I see myself in Zacharia, hopeless and doubtful of GOD’s benevolence because I have hit my end and rocky bottom and I also see GOD’s mercy in the affliction of his speech withheld as a sign of the fulfilment of GOD’s promise (Luke 1:18-20). I see myself in Naomi sojourning to a strange land (Ruth 1:1-5), just as I see myself in Aaron journeying back home (Numbers 20:22-29). Yet I am aware that in Caleb I know my obstacles to be lesser than the GOD I bow to (Numbers 13:30; Joshua 14:6-12), just as much as I am aware of my own weakness like Balak about to face his enemies (Judges 4-5).
Scripture reminds me of my humanity and also calls me to trust in the Able Hands of GOD’s Divinity. Scripture shows me that I can fail but failure is not the end of my story if I lean firmly on the excellence of the spirit of HIS holiness. Yet in all this, there is a part of scripture which scares me to my bone because it reveals a part of me that possibly shows me guilty where I have accused GOD of negligence. The prophet, Isaiah, speaks of separation from GOD in such gory details that to pay attention is to be left with an aching heart each time:
But your iniquities have separated you from your God;
— Isaiah 59:2
And your sins have hidden His face from you,
So that He will not hear.
It is my iniquity that separates me from GOD. It’s my sin that covers the visage of GOD and prevents HIM from hearing me. I should take responsibility for departing from GOD if I possess iniquity and oblige to sin. This is not the fuller picture. It is a continuation of the thinking process which boldly states that GOD is not incapable of relating with me. HIS Hands are not short nor HIS Ears heavy:
Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened,
— Isaiah 59:1
That it cannot save;
Nor His ear heavy,
That it cannot hear.
It is from instances such as this that I come to realise my fault to be deeper than my own skin. For sin itself blinds me from seeing that I am wretched to think that GOD doesn’t love me to save me from the deepest hurting. It is scripture that shows to me that I stand in the way of my own healing, I push the Healer away, I refuse the healing, I choose to be lesser and I choose to blame the solution for the problem.
The more I ponder, the more I see the effect of my wrong doing has plundered me from reasoning with my GOD and this is why I wish to turn from evil to goodness of heart. What would I do without the fellowship of light I have with GOD? With what would I quantify good life if not with the very essence of my creation, to whom I owe everything?
In scripture I am excited for my liberty and in scripture I am exhorted to choose modesty. In scripture I am taught to prioritise GOD above humans in the way that ensures I put humans to the safety of truth and protect those who are vulnerable around me. The more I love GOD, the more I love myself and love those around me. When we are all connected, nothing hidden, the love which flows carries power to fight off the evil of darkness and imbalance of society.
In scripture, I find the ink stained hands of GOD writing me back to peace,
Olatunde,
your friend
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